3 Simple and Effective Ways Young Dads Can Connect With Their Children
Most young dads want to do a good job — they just don’t know how.
Most young dads want to do a good job — they just don’t know how.
There’s no playbook for fatherhood. We go through years of schooling learning how to read, write, and do math, but no one ever teaches us what it takes to be a good dad. And truthfully, all the studying in the world couldn’t fully prepare you for the role of fatherhood. Kids change your life forever, in all the best ways. You want to be the best dad you can be for your kids, but you’re not always sure how to do that.
Here are 3 simple and effective ways young dads can connect with their children:
1. Say ‘I love you’ daily.
Those three words are one of the most powerful gifts you can give your children.
Love is oxygen for relationships. Telling your child I love you lets them know how important they are to you.
Research shows that hearing those three words is an integral part of childhood development as it helps your child form a secure attachment. It lets them know you are there for them and they are important to you. But, this can be difficult for some dads to express, especially if they grew up in a household where saying I love you was uncommon. So, if saying I love you was uncommon in your home as a child, you’ll have to try even harder if you want to make it normal in your household.
Saying I love you will strengthen your relationship with your kids and help them feel more confident and secure. Try to say it at least once a day and consider stacking it with another ritual such as bedtime to make sure your child hears those three special words daily. Expressing your love for your child will supply critical oxygen to your relationship.
Say I love you every day to show your children how important they are to you.
2. Realize your kids want you more than they want your money.
Time is the most precious resource you have.
Many dads mistakenly think the greatest gift they offer is more stuff — a nicer house, more toys, more luxurious vacations. But, in reality, your time is the most precious gift you can give your children.
In Karl Pillemer’s book, 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice From The Wisest Americans, he writes that the number one piece of advice parents need is simple — spend time with your children. After interviewing thousands of Americans over sixty-five, gathering their insights and advice on topics like family relationships, parenting, friendships, and more, Karl writes that “Kids want you more than they want your money.” So to be a better dad, realize your kids just want you. And by giving them your time, you show them just how important they are to you.
Don’t worry about the stuff — just focus on the time you have to give. And, Karl writes, don’t worry about what you’re doing together, “It’s not the activity, but the shared time that makes them happy.” Remember, children spell love: T-I-M-E.
Your time is your greatest gift, and it’s all your children want.
3. Embrace the poop.
Diaper changes are an opportunity to connect.
Before becoming a dad, I don’t remember ever changing a diaper (I’m sure I had changed one at some point, but I don’t remember). Fortunately, I heard a key piece of advice before my daughter was born.
I was listening to a podcast for young dads, and they were doing a roundtable with a group of new fathers. They went around the group, and each dad took a turn offering a piece of advice for new or soon-to-be dads. One dad said that his advice for new fathers is simple — embrace the poop. He explained that diaper changes are an opportunity for new dads to provide for and connect with their kids. He said that often, especially for breastfed babies, moms fulfill the majority of the child’s needs, at least in the beginning. That means diaper changes are one of the few opportunities for young dads to provide for and connect with their children.
So think about diaper changes as an opportunity to connect. Don’t be the dad that thinks it is cool or funny to avoid diaper changes. Instead, realize that this is a valuable opportunity for you to provide for and connect with your child.
Jump in, embrace the poop.
Parenting is a skill — the more you learn and practice, the better you’ll do. So don’t hesitate to tell your children I love you every chance you get, remember that your kids just want to spend time with you, and jump in and embrace the poop. If you do those three things, you’ll have no trouble connecting with your child and developing a solid foundation for a lifelong relationship.