Happy Friday my friends!
I’ve got a couple of articles to share this week, but I’m most excited to share some thoughts from the Coast FI webinar last night that I co-paneled with Jess from The Fioneers!
I come onto the scene at around 16 minutes but I think the entire discussion could be well worth your time!
We had a great discussion about Coast FI, I had the opportunity to share some of my thoughts and experiences while coasting, and we took a bunch of questions from the audience as well.
My favorite part of the discussion was a question that really had nothing to do with personal finance, and everything to do with self-worth: How do you handle criticism from friends and family about your decision to coast?
I’d be lying if I said this hasn’t been a big part of my journey. There’s no way around it: coasting to financial independence is a pretty unorthodox way of living, and not everyone is going to “get it.” But my answer was simple: if I find myself worrying about what other people are thinking or deriving my value from the opinions of others, I ask myself: Where is my pen?
For context, this idea comes from a book I read recently called Crucial Conversations. In the book, the authors explain the concept that each of us carries around a pen that we use to write the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. But, when we start to look to others for validation and approval, we hand them our pen, essentially saying, here, why don’t you write the story that I’ll tell myself about myself?
Anytime I realize that I’m looking to others for approval and validation, I gently ask myself where is my pen?—a reminder to retake my pen and be the author of my own story.
And fortunately, in my experience, the people who matter to you the most are often the most understanding and accepting of your lifestyle, no matter what it is.
If you’d like to read more about this concept of retaking your pen, I wrote an article called 1 Life-Changing Skill from The Best-Selling Book, Crucial Conversations.
If you have the chance to listen to the Coast FI webinar then I would love to hear your comments or feedback which you can share below 👇👇👇
From there, I wrote a couple of articles on financial independence this week so let’s go ahead and hop in.
On Financial Independence
The Number 1 Thing Mr. Money Mustache Loves About Financial Independence—Every day is Saturday.
By Anders Skagerberg, CFP®
Imagine waking up every day with the freedom to do as you please.
I recently listened to a podcast episode from Brandon Ganch, The Mad Fientist. This episode was a recap of an older interview that Brandon did with Pete Adney—aka Mr. Money Mustache. For those unfamiliar, Mr. Money Mustache (MMM) is considered one of the first to mainstream the FIRE movement, and his FIRE blog is still one of the best today.
Mr. Money Mustache is the inspiration for countless FIRE journeys, and his post, The Shockingly Simple Math Behind Early Retirement, is a must-read for anyone looking to achieve financial independence.
But, on the podcast, MMM shares the number 1 thing he loves about financial independence—every day is Saturday.
37 Reasons Why I Think You Should Pursue Financial Independence
By Anders Skagerberg, CFP®
I won’t sugarcoat it — I’m biased.
I want you to pursue financial independence because I believe it can change your life for the better. I think it has the ability to transform your life from one of mediocrity to one of intentionality. But the question remains — what do you think about financial independence?
On Parenting
Lastly, I want to wrap up with some thoughts on parenting.
This week my wife and I had an experience that prompted a healthy discussion (debate) about whether or not we should be toughening up our daughter. For context, our daughter fell down, as toddlers do, and we knew she wasn’t hurt since we watched her fall, but I quickly swooped in to hoist her up and comfort her since she was having a lot of big feelings about the fall.
Long story short, we talked about it a little later and were wondering if we are being too soft with our daughter, and should instead be trying to toughen her up? So, we each said our piece and concluded that we should do some additional research and reconvene later that night to share what we had found.
I will spare you the details of the debate and cut right to the conclusion.
Here is what we have found and will be using going forward:
When our daughter falls, we want to avoid having a big reaction, as this can just add fuel to the fire. But, and this is a big but, we will not use the phrase “it’s okay” or "you’re fine” because that signals to our daughter that the feelings she’s having are somehow not acceptable and she needs to suppress them. That is not something we are interested in doing.
Instead, we will approach it like this: “Uh-oh, it looks like you fell down.” (State the obvious)
And then, help her label the emotions and assess the situation: “That seems like it really scared you and you’re sad about it. Let’s see if you’re hurt—let’s check your hands, okay how about your knees" and so on and so forth.
The goal is to comfort her, accept her emotions, and also help her develop a better understanding of her feelings, ultimately becoming more self-aware.
Because in the end, we realized we aren’t trying to raise a tough kid, we’re trying to raise an emotionally aware and resilient human.
So if you’re trying to do the same and need some resources, here are some things that I’ve found helpful:
Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids
I’m reading this book right now and I think it’s phenomenal.
The basis is simple: most parents are struggling because they are stuck in a cycle of reactive parenting—unable to create a separation between an event and their reaction. The key is developing a mindful meditation practice, helping you form a better sense of awareness and presence in the current moment, and ultimately helping you develop a buffer between an event, and your reaction. In that moment or buffer, you are then free to choose how you will respond as a parent, rather than reacting on auto pilot.
Quick plug for me: today is my 33rd day of meditation in a row. I use the Headspace app and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to develop a mindfulness practice.
Big Little Feelings on Instagram
I love this Instagram account—it’s essentially a group of moms that are experts on everything toddler, especially the big feelings. The information they’re putting out is perfect for parents of toddlers and will help you navigate everything from how to handle tantrums to how to respond if your toddler is lying. I think it’s so valuable because our gut reaction or initial response is not always the best way to respond. Instead, that’s just the response that we’ve been conditioned to give because of the way we were raised or the experiences we’ve had.
Wendy Johnson Parent Coach—Parenting the Tough Stuff
Last but not least, my mom Wendy is the absolute best of the best parent coach for parents with teen or adult children who are struggling with a variety of different issues—from drug addiction to lack of self-worth and everything in between. She has a weekly newsletter which I highly recommend you sign up for. Her message is simple: What worked in the past may not be the best moving forward. You can keep putting in the same actions and getting the same results, or you can spend some time re-working your thoughts and stories, create new actions, and watch as the results change.
You can schedule a free consultation with her below: